They sure are

1: Who's an American band?
2: Grand Funk Railroad.
1: Right.

1: Whatcha doing?
2: Brooding.
1: k, call me when you're done

Misogynists give the best relationship advice

1: I really like her.
2: Dude just turn in balls right now.
1: What?
3: You're giving her exactly what she wants.
2: Exactly.
1: What's wrong with that?
2 laughs.
3: It means she's in control.
1: So what, I'm only supposed to go out with someone I hate?
2: No, you're supposed to go out with someone you don't care about at all.
3: Think about it. If you like her, that means her good opinion matters to you. That means she has power over you. You're whipped.

A speech from the CEO

Fuck you guys. We're moving into that building. I have controlling interest in this business, and what I say goes. That building is fucking awesome. I don't care about the high rent. You're a bunch of assholes. It has a rocket slide, and we're moving. That's final. You can all go to hell.

The Ruffian

The ruffian reveals that he has a heart made entirely from gold, and that his companions too have hearts made from similarly valued metals.

I'm all out of bread, so I decided to try nutella on a slice of cheddar. It tasted like nutella and cheddar but at the same time instead of individually.

That crazy being called God

They say God only gives you as much as you can bear. That's a vote of no confidence I can get behind.

South Jordan

1 answers his phone, seeing it's 2.

1: Hey dude, what's up?
2: Nothing much. Hey could you some pick me up?
1: Where you at?
2: South Jordan
1: That's a bit of a drive.
2: Yeah.
1: Where exactly are you?
2: Ma'an
1: Is that that restaurant on 114th and Redwood?
2: No dude, it's a city.
1: I thought you were in South Jordan.
2: Oh right, sorry, southern Jordan.
1: You mean the south part of the country Jordan.
2: Yeah dude, so can you pick me up?

I steal

At times I won't be afraid of stealing from real life. Real life presents some great material and I'd be a fool not to steal from it. For example:

J-Roc: For example, I am a rumble room and you are the doctor of France.

That was as out of context in real life as it is here. Seriously what the fuck?