Saturday, September 30, 2006

A stament on format and an example

At times amusing (or semi-amusing) exchanges spring forth, like Minerva, from Zeus's, or in this case my, mind. Fortunately a metaphorical spear doesn't hurt as much as a literal one does. It is my wish to use this space to record said exchanges while they are still fresh in the mind.
When I collect enough of these scraps of scenes I will collect them and put them into a horrible mish-mash of a movie. I suck at character names so I'll use numbers instead, like so:

1: Get over yourself.
2: I can't. I broke my heart.

I would qualify that as semi-amusing. In fact I think most of the things I post here will be semi-amusing rather than the full thing. I really should have put the amusing in the parentheses, and the semi-amusing first, but alas it is too late. Also if I used the Roman Minerva I should have also used the Roman Jupiter instead of the Greek Zeus. Man, I’m really slipping.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Welcome to Chiltingham

Welcome to Chiltingham, I hope you enjoy your stay. If you've read this far, and even that is doubtful, you're probably wondering what's the point. Does the world need yet another blog? Does it need the vitriol and exaggeration that comes from the inevitable "rants"? Probably not, but what those questions fail to account for is that I'm greatest human being who ever lived. My observations are pure gold: consistently insightful, witty, and convincing. It's pretty much certain that the world of blogging, or "blogosphere" if you're a fucker, was all a build up to this crowning achievement of human thought.

If you're still reading, and that is looking less and less likely, you're probably thinking something along the lines of "fuck, another megalomaniac who thinks he has the greatest page in the universe. What can this fucker offer me that all those other assholes can't?" It's a good question. Fortunately I have a good answer. Unlike all the other megalomaniacs in the Kingdom of Blog, I'm not a rampant misogynist. The thoughts of people of every gender are equally welcome at Chiltingham. Welcoming anyone's thoughts might seem like an odd position to take for a man that is never wrong, but as my sister has often pointed out to me, for a man who is never wrong I still manage to be wrong with surprising frequency. This leads us, but far from seamlessly, to the real reason for this blog.

By now, after all the gobbledygook, no one is reading this. That's the way I want it. For the true purpose of this blog is to act as a piece of scratch paper. "Why don't you just use some actual scratch paper?" you're not asking, because you're no longer reading. "Because scratch paper is a bitch to carry around" I reply to the unasked question. It's much easier to carry around a tower, monitor, keyboard and mouse. Also scratch paper is easy to lose, and someone else may find it, which would be bad. Much better to post my private thoughts in a public forum.